Two weeks have already passed since we walked through our front door with a newborn. The first few days that followed had us on pins and needles. And though that anxiety still remains 14 days in, we’re at least starting to settle into something resembling a routine and better understanding of the around-the-clock cues our daughter is sending.
Aiding us in this transition has been the realization that the entire parenthood journey will forever be riddled with trial and error. That there is no rule book to follow, rather an innate need to trust your own gut, develop a strong bond with your baby and lean on the network around you. Here are some of the lessons I’ve already taken away in these early stages:
There is no pride.
If laying around the hospital with all of your private areas on display to stranger after stranger taught me anything, it was that when it comes to becoming a parent, pride should be tossed out the window. Along this journey, each of us will be exposed by the things we don’t yet know – to ourselves, to our child, to the world around us. We’re going to make mistakes but the real challenge lies within how we handle them. Admit you don’t have all the answers (and remember that no one does). Accept when you are wrong and be open to readjusting as you go.
The world will keep spinning.
And so will the hands on the clock that is counting down the time your baby will be this small. Before giving birth, I told my co-workers and professional peers they could reach out anytime. That I would just need a few days to adjust and then would likely be right back on the saddle even though I’m taking 12 weeks of maternity leave. Each one of them cautioned me to curb those expectations; to focus entirely on what really matters. The moment our daughter was placed in my arms, this advice finally made sense. Your job, your social life, your daily responsibilities – none of these things will disappear. But what will vanish are the early days, weeks and months of your little one’s life. This precious time will slip away before you know it. If you are fortunate enough to be able to tune the world out for a little while, take full advantage and use that precious time to build a solid bond. Slow it down and soak it in. The rest of the world will still be there when you’re ready to return.
Set a game plan, just not in stone.
Each night we make a to-do list of what we want to accomplish the next day. And by that evening’s end, we usually fail to complete more than 50% of it. This was definitely a cause for frustration the first few days but we’re slowly learning how important it is to be nimble right now. Our days are no longer dictated by the schedule we’ve set for ourselves; there’s a new boss in town. Having structure and a tentative schedule certainly helps to set intentions and keep track of the things you need to get to – especially for sleep deprived minds. But don’t let those unchecked boxes get you down; there is always tomorrow. Everything, but your little one, can wait.
Listen to advice, but don’t let it be your dictator.
Friends, family, strangers - folks are always at the ready to share their best been-there-done-that tips and tricks. And for first time parents, it is beneficial to listen with eager ears because there is so much to learn along the way. But what worked for their children may not be the solution for your own. You and your baby are on a unique adventure and must learn together. One of the best pieces of parenting guidance I’ve received is that when someone else gives you advice, you just smile and say thank you. It’s up to you to decide which pieces of it you want to implement and which ones you want to throw to the wind.
Take time for yourself.
You’ve been through a lot, mama. For nine months, you lived your life in a way that would usher in his/hers. And let’s not get started on the pressures of birth (no pun intended). You’ve endured so much along this year, both mentally and physically. You owe it to yourself – and your little one – to take it easy for a bit. This has probably been the most challenging adjustment for me. I’m used to always being on the go and at times find myself feeling lazy or unaccomplished when I’m still in my pajamas at noon. But like I said earlier, the world will keep spinning. However you won’t if you don’t make a point to relax, recover and rejuvenate in the fact that you created the beautiful life you’re holding in your arms. Take time and take care.
You’re only on the first chapter of your child’s life and you’re writing the pages together. Listen to instinct (and others when you see fit), learn to adjust and from your mistakes, and love on that little one because these early days won’t last forever.
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